Bathtime oO
by Loves-Chihuahuas
Summary: How exactly do Light and L go about getting clean when they are chained together? A whole host of scenarios, multi-chapter. No slash, but very embarrassing and at times awkward! Not lewd, just funny. Everyone plays a part. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Bathtime o.O

**Reason:** I had this written down to do about a week ago, and someone wrote me a review wishing that I had gone more into L and Light's bath in 'L's Dentist Issues.' So, here it is! And yes, I read ALL of your reviews and know who puts me as favorites, alerts, subscriptions, etc; Thank you all so much! It really makes me feel good to hear your input, and I am pleased to say that I have only had 2 reviews that made me a little upset. Once again, I thank you all so very, very much. (Courtesies clumsily and sends everyone a piece of cake via imagination) Merci Beacoup!

**Warning:** Look at the title, people. Contains baths, which mean nudity, but I will not mention any male what-nots and will only say something so lewd as 'butt cheek.' T-T Remember, I'm an innocent girl! I can't write that sort of thing! (Tries to write that sort of thing and hands catch on fire- WAAAAHHHH! Quick, grab the hose!).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note nor any of the cleaning products mentioned like Lime-Away, Oxyclean, Dial, Zest, etc. I also do not own anything leather other than a belt-looks at Mello and shivers- and I do not own Kool-Aid.

**Important Info:** Yes, L and Light are chained together! There will be multiple scenarios of how L and Light might go about getting clean, each funny! Have fun and don't get any soap in your eyes-it BURNS!

_**Bathtime o.O**_

_Subtitle: How shall we do this? O.o_

Scenario 1: Bath tub, of course.

Sticky. L. Was. _Sticky. _Light shuddered as he attempted to remove his hand from L's wrist, which proved to be difficult owing to the fact that L's skin seemed to be coated in some sort of viscous liquid. _Sticky._

Light finally managed to wrench his hand off of L's adhesive wrist, only to smack himself in the face from the propelled force of his hand. "OW! L, why in the world are you so sticky?" Light demanded, sending L a glare and holding his right cheek in pain.

L looked at his wrist in apparent deep thought, then answered, "I have two theories as to why my skin has become a practical bonding agent; one, I am turning into a gummy bear. Two, I am evidently up for my monthly bath."

Light gagged at hearing L's second theory, moving as far away from the detective as the chain would allow before exclaiming in disgust, "You cannot be serious! You only bathe _once a month!?"_

L looked at Light as if to say '_Did I not just say that?', _then vocalized it, "Did I not just say that?"

"Yes," Light countered, "but it is just so-so-I don't know, shocking! And gross!"

"That is your opinion." L pointed out, getting out of his chair and shuffling out of the room, forcing Light to follow him.

"Where are were going Mr. Gummy Panda Bear?" Light asked, smirking.

"Please refrain from calling me that, Light-kun. We are not children-or, at least, I am not."

"Fine, where are we going Detective Sticky-buns?"

"…Shut up."

They arrived at a bathroom on some random floor-how's about the fifth?-and L pointed out unnecessarily, "Bathroom."

"Yes, I see." Light said with a sigh, "You gotta go pee, Sticky-Fingers?"

L turned his head to glare at him, then said in an uncharacteristically mean voice, "No, but _we_ have to take a bath _Mr. Kira Who Wets The Bed."_

Light sputtered, his face turning red, "I-I am not Kira and I DO NOT wet the bed!"

L turned his head away, opening up the bathroom door as he replied, "That's not what you father told Mogi what happens when you watch horror movies before going to bed….Like two months ago before we were chained."

Light was pulled into the bathroom in a state of shock and horror. "I-I t-that, NO! That is a lie! I, I stopped when I was-it, a few years-well -no! It never happened!" Light finished lamely, staring determinedly at the ceiling

"Sure, sure. Now about our bath…do you prefer luofas(Sp?) or wash cloths?"

Light looked over at L, who was busy searching through the cabinet below the sink. "What do you mean _our _bath?!" Light exclaimed, horrified at the very thought.

L sighed from within the small cabinet, "Light-kun, you were the one complaining that I don't bathe enough, and with this chain we will have to bathe together. Besides, it's nearly 6:45 and I like my baths in the evening."

"But, but," Light stammered, "We don't have to bathe _together_, and if we did-which we won't!- we would take a _shower!_"

L reappeared from under the sink cabinet, bottles, loufas, soap, toys, and wash cloths piled in his arms. He gave Light a slight frown, then asked, "What's wrong with baths? I find them to be much more relaxing and fun." He nodded towards a rubber ducky on top of the pile, then at the oval tub on the other side of the room which was just big enough for two grown men.

Light sighed as if speaking to Matsuda, then said, "Kids take baths, L, _kids._ Adults take showers. We are adults-for the most part. Plus it's just creepy." He finished with a shudder.

L rolled his eyes, placing his bath-time items in their proper places while he responded, "I already told you; I am an adult, you are still technically a minor, and therefore mostly still a 'kid.' And plenty of adults take baths. One is only supposed to shower when they are in a rush. We are not in a rush- we have all the time we could want, so a bath it is." He placed the last toy on the edge of the tub, then turned to face Light.

Light blinked at L's logical, if not exactly wanted, logic, then said huffily, "You still haven't countered the creepy factor. You are, as you said, an adult while I am a minor."

L bobbed his head in agreement, then said, "I am also in charge of you at the moment, like a guardian, so this is not illegal in the least unless I attempt to make it illegal. I won't, by the way. And have you not realized that in a bath, especially a bubble bath, you cannot see what is below the water? In a shower you can see everything."

Light fliched at the mental image, then sighed in defeat, "Fine! We'll take a stupid bath!"

L smile lightly, unlocking their handcuffs. Light looked down at the cuffs and blinked in confusion, then yelled, "See?! We don't need to bathe together!" He indicated his freed wrist happily.

L sighed, "You are being quite slow today, you realize? The cuffs will be replaced once we disrobe, then taken off after the bath to change, then put back on. Duh."

Light let out a growl of frustration, "You are impossible! The building is practically empty, what is to stop me from just walking out?"

L, not answering Light, fished out with cell phone, dialed, then spoke, "Yes, Watari? Can you have someone stand guard outside the fifth floor bathroom while Light-kun and I take a bath? Yes, yes, we will need new sets of clothes as well. Thank you."

L dropped the phone back into his jeans and looked at Light as if to say, '_there, no escape.' _

Light huffed, "Fine, but this is still at the top of my 'creepy things L made me do' list." then turned and started to unbutton his shirt.

A towel hit Light in the back of the head, accompanied by L's curious voice, "You keep a list? How odd. What just got replaced by this as number one?"

Light tossed his shirt into the hamper and unbuttoned his pants, "The time you licked the frosting from my donut off my cheek and told me it tasted worse than you expected." The pants joined the shirt and L's pants in the hamper, soon followed by both geniuses' remaining articles of clothing. Light wrapped his towel around his waist before awkwardly tugging off his polka-dot boxers, still not trusting the panda detective to not be creepy.

Light turned back towards the detective with the towel firmly in place. He found the detective, who was bending over the tub adjusting the water temperature, also had a towel on, only it was on his head like a turban instead of around his waist. Light shielded his eyes against the pale detective's butt-nakedness and wailed, "WHAT THE HECK, L?! I CAN SEE YOUR NAKEDNESS!"

Light heard L chuckle and reply, "Oops, I usually have two towels for my bath; one for my head and one for my body. But I seem to have forgotten about you needing an extra towel. I shall remedy the situation now."

"…You have a peppermint stuck to your, um, uh, left butt cheek, by the way.." Light said awkwardly, hands still clenched over his eyes.

"Oh, I was wondering where that went…"

Light kept his hands over his eyes until he felt the cuffs snapped back onto his wrist. He cautiously lowered his hands, feeling immensely grateful when he saw that L's towel was now around his waist instead of on his head.

L gave Light a smile that screamed either, '_That was planned as payback_,' or '_That wasn't planned but it was funny as heck_.' Either way, the detective seemed to enjoy the pain and embarrassment inflicted upon Light.

L tugged on the chain from over by the bath and nodded towards it, indicating that Light should get in first.

With a one last glare at the smiling detective, Light carefully stepped over the mass of toys lined up on the edge of the tub and stood in the water self-consciously. He looked over at L, who was staring expectantly at Light with his thumb on his lip, then said sarcastically, "Would you mind turning around for a moment or should I sell tickets for the show?"

L blinked, then replied, "What show? All I see is Light standing half naked in a tub. Should I assist you?" L walked forward towards Light.

"No! I meant-" Light tried to yell, but gave up his protests as he was pushed into the water, his towel jerked off at the last moment by L. Light's bottom thudded against the porcelain, and he immediately brought his knees up to his chest, noticing that the water was crystal clear. Well, at least the water came up to his mid-ribcage.

He turned to his side to glare at L, only to find that the detective was missing. A splash from the front end of the tub answered where he had gone. Light faced L again, seeing that L was sitting Indian-style(Cross-legged) in the water, and looked away promptly.

"Was the push necessary?" Light ground out.

"Oh, yes," L said, "It looked as though Light-kun would not or could not sit with out my assistance. You are welcome." L swiped an arm along the edge of the tub, sending all the bath toys falling into the tub.

Light growled, then asked, "I thought you said this would be a bubble bath? Where are the bubbles?" He actually just wanted the coverage of the bubbles for both his and L's sake.

"Oh, yes. Thank you for reminding me." Light, keeping his head turned away, heard L grab a bottle from the bath-rack on the wall and pour something into the tub. Then he heard L ask, "Could you help me make the bubbles? All you do is mix up the water really quickly with your hands like an egg-beater."

Light finally turned towards the detective, keeping his eyes on the water in front of him, and helped to mix up the bubble solution in the bath water. Soon there was a decent amount of bubbles, and Light could unfold his legs from their cramped position against his chest.

Noticing this, L asked innocently, "Is Light-kun shy? Perhaps he had a bad experience with a flasher at the mall once?"

Light blushed furiously, then snarled, "Stop listening in on my parents' conversations!"

L smiled, then said in a voice of faked-concern, "So that means that Light-kun _does_ wet the bed after watching horror movies! I shall make sure that none play while he is in the room to ensure his mental health as well as the state of our mattress."

Light's reply came as a rubber duck chucked at L's head. A toy boat whizzed back at Light, along with the familiar statement, "One for one."

Light sighed, resisting the urged to tackle the smiling detective sitting across from him- but that would be _very_ awkward, so he just grabbed a shampoo bottle and began to wash his hair instead.

There was then a knock on the door, and Mogi walked into the bathroom, looking furtively around first. He waved an awkward hand in greeting, taking in the strange situation of the two young geniuses sitting basically foot-to-foot in the cramped bathtub filled with bubbles and toys, then said in his low voice as if he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, "Here are your clothes-Watari told me to just bring pajamas since it's so late…so, I'll just be outside the door, alright?" He placed the stack of garments on the closed toilet seat cover, then turned around and quickly made his exit.

Light felt his face heat up again, then muttered to himself, "Now that wasn't embarrassing or anything, was it?"

"Not at all." L replied as if Light had spoken to him.

There were a few minutes of silence that were almost peaceful as Light carefully shampooed and conditioned his hair and L scrubbed at his messy top of black tangles. The silence was broken, however, when Light felt a great deal of water descend onto his sudsy head.

"What the heck, L?" Light coughed, looking up to see L leaning forward through the mass of bubbles, a large plastic Kool-Aid pitcher held by L poised over Light's head.

L blinked, then said calmly, "You needed your hair rinsed out, so I supplied a means to do so. You're welcome."

"Oh."

L put more bathwater into the jug, then asked, "May I finish rinsing out your hair?"

Light replied, "Alright." Then squeezed his eyes shut as the water descended onto his hair again, rinsing it clean. Light looked like this .. He was very taken aback that L had actually done something not creepy and helpful.

L handed the jug to L, then pointed at his own soapy hair, saying, "Now, if Light-kun would be so kind as to return the gesture…?" Light nodded mutely, dipping the jug into the bath water and then leaning forward to upend it.

Light emptied the jug twice more on the detective's head to get all the accumulated soap out of his super-thick, black hair. "You know," Light said suddenly, "I remember doing this for my little sister, Sayu, when we were little and had to take baths together."

L gave Light an odd smile, then asked, "You two bathed together?"

Light simply nodded saying, "Yeah, we did until I was, like, six and then we took separate baths. It wasn't weird or anything; it's what happens when there are siblings close in age."

"That's very sweet." L said, "You didn't notice…?"

Light turned red, then answered, "No. No I didn't notice she, uh, had different parts. We were really little, remember?"

"Okay, okay." L said, chuckling, "you realize that lowered you Kira percentage by 5%?"

Light looked a little shocked, then asked, "So what is it now?"

L smiled as he picked up a loufa, then answered, "Oh, somewhere around, say 33.987241%?"

Light gave L an odd look then said, "Alright…"

They continued to bathe in silence, L scrubbing away with his loufa and Light carefully and meticoulously washing with a wash cloth.

Finally finished with washing, Light placed the wash cloth on the edge of the bathtub and glanced at L, who had been quiet for a long while. He saw that L was staring at him, apparently waiting for him to finish washing, and Light flushed.

Seeing that Light was done, L asked emotionlessly, "Do you wish to play now?"

Light looked at L in semi-fear, then asked, "Excuse me?"

L held up a toy boat, then asked, "Do you want to play with me?"

Light looked relieved that it wasn't so creepy, then asked uneasily, "L, aren't we a bit too, um, old to play in the bathwater?"

L gave Light an appraising look, then answered, "No. No we are not. Geniuses are definitely allowed to play in the bath."

He held out the toy ship to Light, who after a moment of hesitation mumbled, "Oh, what the heck?" and accepted the toy. Not having played in the bath in years, Light asked L, "So, um, what will we play?"

L looked thoughtful for a moment, then answered , "We should play 'battle'. Yes, I think that will do nicely."

Light nodded and proceeded to attempt to defeat L's battalion of half the bath toys. It was surprisingly fun and challenging, like chess except more wet and fun. It brought back memories for Light of his bath times as a little kid with Sayu, except no dolls and more strategy.

They apparently were making quite a bit of noise, splashing and yelling and laughing, because they did not notice the knock on the door until it was too late. The door opened and Mogi stumbled in on an even odder scene than the first time he walked in some 45 minutes ago:

Light and L were splashing around in the tub, covered in bubbles, toys held in their hands, laughing and yelling loudly as they practically wrestled each other. It was a scene that could easily be taken out of context and twisted into some priceless black-mail. That is, if Mogi were not a decent man who understood what was going on and if L were not signing his paychecks. Therefore, he quietly exited the room before the over-worked and stressed geniuses could notice him, leaving the two to for once forget about the Kira case and be happy, if only for bathtime.

Oh, how nice an ending that would be, but at that particular moment, Matsuda and Aizawa were walking down the hallway towards the bathroom door.

"Hey Mogi, what's going on in there? It sounds like someone's drowning!" Matsuda said worriedly, him and Aizawa running to the door.

"N-No! You guys don't under-" Mogi tried to reason, attempting to save the boys from an embarrassing fate. They just pushed past him, however, and came to the same sight as Mogi did only moments before: Light and L were splashing around in the tub, covered in bubbles, toys held in their hands, laughing and yelling loudly as they practically wrestled each other.

Mogi stood unhappily behind his two teammates. Aizawa and Matsuda stared at L and Light like this OoO and this o.O. The two geniuses in the bathtub continued to play and laugh, however, seemingly unaware of the newcomers to the bathroom.

It was not until Aizawa coughed that the two be-bubbled boys looked over at the source of noise. L and Light froze, looking at the three gathered at the doorway openmouthed like this o.

Light's face turned red in record time, and he dropped the plastic horse and sail boat he was holding, the toys landing in the lukewarm water with a small splash.

L immediately took the situation under control, saying, "Have you never heard of privacy you perverts?! You are disgusting, spying on two boys taking their bath! You are all practically pedophiles!" L sank deeper into the bubbly water as he glared at them, completely hiding his body from view. Light, catching on, did the same, sending the three at the door a scandalized and frightened look.

Mogi internally sighed with relief at L's quick thinking and began to flounder apologies and denials along with Matsuda and Aizawa. L chucked a loufa at them and yelled, "Get out before I fire you all, or worse- tell Mr. Yagami and Watari!" The three fled the room, shutting the door behind them.

L turned to smile at Light, saying, "Should we continue for another five minutes? As I recall, I was ahead, ready to sink the S.S. Rubber Ducky."

Light grinned sheepishly at L, then replied, "Sure, and as I recall you already sank the S.S. _**Mr.**_ Rubber Ducky." He knew L would hear the thank-you in his statement, and decided that they could call a truce for bathtimes.

END of scenario 1!

Awwwwwwwww! That turned out a lot cuter than I though it would! Still funny though. I like Mogi and think he would handle such a situation like that. Though I don't believe L and Light would actually play in the tub, if faced with the situation of the other 3 teammates I think they would handle it like that. I will try to write more chapters for this with different scenarios for their ways of getting clean, as I stated at the beginning.

I hoped you liked it and got a few laughs and smiles! Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

**Bathtime Ch. 2**

**Warning:** Look at the title, people. Contains baths, which mean nudity, but I will not mention any male what-nots and will only say something so lewd as 'butt cheek.' T-T Remember, I'm an innocent girl! I can't write that sort of thing! (Tries to write that sort of thing and hands catch on fire- WAAAAHHHH! Quick, grab the hose!).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note nor any of the cleaning products mentioned like Lime-Away, Oxyclean, Dial, Zest, Windex, etc. I also do not own anything leather other than a belt-looks at Mello and shivers- and I do not own Kool-Aid.

**Important Info:** Yes, L and Light are chained together! There will be multiple scenarios of how L and Light might go about getting clean, each funny! Have fun and don't get any soap in your eyes-it BURNS!

_**Bathtime o.O**_

_Subtitle: How shall we do this?_

**Scenario 2:**** Hose Em' Down!**

What a day for the A/C to give out. It was only of those ungodly humid days. The days where you just want to crawl into your freezer and forget about the world until fall. The days where no matter how much deodorant you slab onto your armpits, you still soak the armpits of your shirt. And, of course those weirdos who didn't wear ANY deodorant would soak their shirts as well, like that sweaty panda-I mean, the detective, L.

Everyone else was given the day off so they didn't die of heat exhaustion, meaning that L and Light, due to the chain and L's refusal to leave HQ, had to remain in the oven-I mean building. Light, in cargo shorts and a blue tank-top, and L, in a pair of baggy shorts and an equally baggy white T-shirt, were sitting on the couch in the investigation room, practically stuck to the leather, working. Well, L was working, typing away at his laptop like his hands were possessed. Light, however, was trying to keep from drowning in all the moisture in the air.

"L," Light asked faintly, moving his arm off the back of the couch with a disgusted look as his skin attempted to stick to the leather, "the heat seems to have made me forgetful; what is the humidity again?"

L glanced at a specific spot on his laptop, then answered, "It has dropped to 88%, Light-kun. It must be from the evening cooling the air off."

"Urgh, since when did you become a meteorologist?" Light grumbled, clearly in a bad mood from the weather.

L was about to answer Light when a large, ornate W appeared on his laptop. "L," The voice of Watari greeted him, "We seem to have a slight issue. The water to nearly 70% of the city has been turned off, including this building, due to a main water valve breakage a half hour ago. It is projected to take 2 to 7 days to fix. "

L frowned slightly, and asked, "Do we have any water on the premises?"

"Yes." Watari replied, "We have water from the roof's storage system, but it seems to only be working on the first floor, where the kitchen and two bathrooms are."

L relaxed, then said, "Good, we have enough water to last weeks. The only problem will be bathing…"

"Yes, I shall think of something, master L." Said Watari's voice, and the W disappeared. L returned to his furious typing.

"Wait a minute." Light's voice interrupted L's typing, and he turned to look at the teen, "Why will we have trouble bathing? Watari just said that the bathrooms on the first floor have running water."

L looked back at his laptop, asking, "Have you ever used the first floor bathrooms?"

"No." Light replied.

"They are only equipped with sinks and toilets. No tubs or showers, hence no bathing." L deadpanned, seemingly unconcerned.

"We won't be able to bathe?" Light asked in a dead voice, looking at the detective like a zombie.

"No." The detective replied.

"And you don't have a problem with that?" Light demanded.

"Not in the least." L answered.

Light sat for a moment, then asked in an overly-cheerful voice, "L, could we stand up for a moment? My legs are hurting…"

L blinked, taken aback at the sudden change in demeanor, then stood. Or, at least he _tried_ to stand. "Eh?" L muttered, looking confusedly down at his body.

"Our accumulated sweat has made us _stick_ to the couch, L." Light said in his eerily cheerful voice, though his eyes were narrowed in anger, "We need to _bathe._"

L frowned and again attempted to unglue his back from the sofa. He finally toppled forward as the couch released his sweaty back, falling onto the coffee table. "Alright." His muffled voice conceded from the coffee table, "We need to bathe."

After wrenching themselves from the couch of leathery-doom, the pair sat on the floor, mulling over ways for them to get clean.

"I still say that we find a dog to lick us clean." L protested. more sticky."

"But their mouths are supposed to be even cleaner than a human's." L argued.

Light sighed, thankful that at least L didn't want to use human saliva as their cleaning agent(weird/scarring mental image), and said, "You know what we really need? We need it to just_ rain_, then we can stand outside and at least get rinsed off. If it's storming, the rain would be so hard that it'd be like a real shower!"

L put his thumb to his lips, then shot down that theory, "Not going to happen. Even though it's humid, it is next projected to rain in two weeks. There is only a 7% chance of it raining in the coming week."

Light just grumbled under his breath about how his idea was at least more sanitary. Thankfully, at that moment Watari's W appeared again on L's laptop screen.

"Well, did you come up with a solution to our bathing issue?" L asked emotionlessly.

"Yes. Aside from simply not bathing (both boys shook their heads 'no' fiercely, not wanting to get stuck to any more furniture) I have found one solution. When will you need to bathe?"

"Now would be fine." L said, then asked, "Won't you require a bath as well, Watari? You are stuck in this humid building too."

A chuckle was heard, then Watari replied, "No. Us older people do not sweat much and always seem to be cold." Both boys blinked, then Watari continued, "Well, if you would like to bathe now, then please come down to the kitchen on the first floor." The W disappeared.

"The kitchen?" Light wondered aloud, only to be yanked by the chain.

"Light-kun needs to hurry up. I do not enjoy being sticky" L stated.

One elevator ride later and L and Light walked into the kitchen to find two towels spread out on the floor in front of the sink and two towels folded on the small table along with two piles of clothes.

Light raised a questioning eyebrow at L, who shrugged, and both turned to face Watari, who was wearing an apron and dish-gloves.

"How exactly will we be bathing?" Light asked uneasily.

Watari smiled and replied, "The sink has a hose attached to it for washing dishes, but it works just as effectively on bodies, I am sure." He pointed to the retractable silver dish-hose attached the sink.

Light opened and closed his mouth like Matsuda when faced with calculus. L, however, had tact enough to speak, "Watari, will we, ah, sit in the sink or some tub of sorts?"

Watari shook his head and replied with a sigh, "No, we do not have any container on premises adequate for this, and you are both too large to fit in the sink. You will both stand on the towels on the floor and be hosed down."

L just shrugged while Light made a face and said, "Fine. Anything to get rid of this sweat-but we're BOTH keeping our boxers on." He gave L a glare to make sure he understood not to strip naked in front of Light and the old man.

"Okay." Was all L said.

Their sweat-soaked, crusty clothes were thrown into a pile on the floor(Ewww), and the geniuses stood on the towels in front of the sink in nothing but their colorful boxers (green with monkeys and Orange with pink polka dots-but which one belonged to who?!)

"Alright," Watari stated, "Just some soap now…" He held up a bottle of Windex and sprayed both boys before they could protest.

L got a mouthful of the horrid spray and Light got squirted in the eyes. "IT BURNS!" They both wailed at the same time. (Awww!)

"Oh, grow up." Watari muttered under his breath, then said in a louder voice, "Sorry, but we must save water and this cleaning solution rinses off the easiest. It is non-toxic." Watari finished as L vomited in the sink and Light's eyes shed many painful tears, though whether they were real tears or just a reaction to the spray…(NOTE: DO NOT INGEST WINDEX OR SPRAY IN EYES!)

"Hmp. Well, here we go." Watari sighed, grabbing the hose from the sink and turning to face the boys. He turned on the hose and proceeded to spray them down much like a fireman would a burning building-except they weren't a building and he wasn't a fireman. The two squealed and twisted, the water being iced-cold and jet-fast. Watari made sure to get the fast-moving stream of water squarely in their faces, washing away the last of the Windex.

After a minute and a half of being blasted with the water, Watari turned off the hose. L and Light both looked like that had been hit by a tsunami, coughing and sputtering up water. Watari replaced the hose and then draped the towels from the table on the boys, telling them to change as he left the room.

L and Light looked at each other, shocked and feeling as if they had just been beaten up. They slowly and painfully dried and put on their clean clothes.

"L?"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"Have you done anything to make Watari hate us?"

" Uh…I ate his stash of chocolate bon-bons this morning. He probably just found out before our 'shower'."

"Ah, I see."

END

**Author's Notes:**Do you like? I don't think it's as funny as what I intended, but I'm tired. And, yeah, I wanted Watari to be kinda mean. He just seems like he needed to vent, taking care of a recluse panda detective. The next one will be funnier, Ah pwomiss! _Please R&R!_


	3. Chapter 3

Bath Ch3: Oxy-clean!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note! Nor do I own a pigmy anteater. Nor do I own any of the cleaning supplies mentioned within this fanfic.

Warning!: Uhhhm, yeah baths=naked people. Though, no specific mention of danger-zones(ever seen Stuart on Mad TV?...)

Important Info: You must have your eyes _open_ to read, you silly geese! Oh, and L and Light are chained together, duh.

Bathtime

_Subtitle: Oxy-clean!_

All was peaceful in the Kira HQ. Well, almost everything. You see, there was an exceptionally smelly person in the workroom who was being given a wide berth by the entire team; except, of course, by the person who was chained to him. Who was this smelly person? Why, you should know by now; Light Yagami!

How did Light come to be so stinky? Well, read on viewer!

L crinkled his pale nose in disgust, shooting Light an annoyed look. "Up 5%." He stated monotonously.

Light looked at L in slight shock before asking angrily, "Wh-why?!"

L gave Light a pained look and said, "You _smell."_

Light rolled his eyes and said with a sigh, "Yeah, I know, and you know _why."_

L sniffed daintily and replied, "Yes, I do, but it is still you fault that you smell like a French hooker."

Light made an aggravated noise and said vehemently, "It is NOT my fault! She was the one who dragged us there, and YOU are the one who used me as a human shield!"

L gave Light a stony stare and intoned eerily, "It was for the sake of humanity. Your sacrifice was for the greater good."

Light snorted derisively, "Yeah right! Like me getting sprayed with fifty perfumes by the crazy sales ladies in Misa's favorite store did anything for humanity."

L looked pointedly away as he said, "You fail to see the significance, that is all….and you really do smell, you know. It is making Matsuda's eyes water."

They both looked over to where Matsuda sat, bawling. "Oh," Light said indifferently, "he's just crying because I told him that he was born a female, that's all."

"Oh, that's fine then." L stated calmly, turning back to Light, "you must bathe."

Light gave L an evil glare, then spat through clenched teeth, "You know darn well that I've already taken three baths today to try and get rid of the smell, one time in tomato juice! Nothing is working!" Light then threw his hands up in the air in frustration, imitating a football goal post. (It's GOOD!)

L rolled his eyes, muttering about tomato juice being a better idea than soap.

About a half hour later, they took their break. Sitting on the couch, L eating an enormous gummy bear the size of a cat and Light chewing on a granola bar, they watched TV disinterestedly. Getting fed up with the obnoxious TV shows, Light began to read a novel.

A commercial came on in which a bearded man shouted loudly about his amazing product called 'Oxyclean,' which was guaranteed to remove any stain. The loud, bearded man then screamed even louder at the TV that Oxyclean would now remove any foul odor from fabrics and was environmentally friendly.

The nuclear power plant in L's head was churning(better than wheels!), and he had a brilliant idea which drew an adorable yet diabolical smile to his face. Light remained absorbed in his book, oblivious to the detective's scheming.

L plucked his phone out of his baggy jeans and dialed Watari's number, "Yes, Watari? We need a special cleaning product…."

Approximately two hours later, while everyone was working and trying to avoid Light's smell of doom, L received a text from Watari: 'L, teh O iz hr.' L shuddered at the old man's poorly worded message.

L turned to light and said as casually as a monotone person can, "Hey, Light-kun, there's a package waiting for you on the third floor. Shall we go?"

Light shrugged, "Fine."

They made their way to the 3rd floor without incident. Upon entering the lobby of said floor, however, they were greeted with a strange sight; Watari wearing a hazmat suit and holding some sort of spray bottle emblazoned with the legend 'OXYCLEAN!' The floor, they also noticed, was covered with tarps.

Light turned to L with raised eyebrows and asked, "Do I even want to know?"

L smile and replied, "I figured out how to get the stink out."

Light sighed, his large brain having figured out L's plan. He walked into the middle of the room and said with a small amount of trepdition, "All right, fire away." Watari tossed a bottle to L, who had apparently managed to change into a hazmat suit in the small amount of time it took for Light to speak.

Light held out his arms to the side and squeezed his eyes shut. L and Watari nodded to each other and proceeded to barrage Light with cleaning solution.

It seemed as though nothing happened at first. After about half a minute, however, Light's clothed began to fizz and sizzle. Light, having closed his eyes, did not notice as his clothes began to disintegrate right off his body. He was internally grateful that his skin wasn't bubbling or burning as he had expected it to.

He only opened his eyes when two things happened: He noticed that the horrific smell of a French hooker had disappeared, and he heard a giggle.

He opened his eyes to find a red-faced Matsuda with a cam-corder, pointing and giggling at him beside a snickering L. Light frowned and looked down at his body in time to see the last bit of his boxers disintegrating.

Oh, the whole 'Matsuda, you were born a female' thing. Oh, yeah.

"EEIIWK!" Light squeaked, clasping his hands in front of his special-place just in time. He glared up at the two laughing co-workers just as his father walked in.

Mr. Yagami looked at the odd situation once, made to walk on, then did a double-take. He stood with his mouth open for a moment, then made a strange noise that sounded like a strangled cow. He finally spoke eligibly, "P-please tell me this is not a porno."

END

Sort of like a bath…Sorry this is so short and lame; I am holding my clingy dog while typing this. Darn Chihuahua! Anyways, please R&R!

…Mousca chocolate et fraise, les bisquites, et les bon-bons! J'aime bien, j'aime bien, j'aime bien le dessert!

I'm willing to bet that half the words in that little part of the French song are spelled wrong-sighs- don't tell me, alright?

Bye!


	4. Chapter 4

Bath Ch4!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note, nor do I own a snowmobile. –glares at cardboard box that refuses to turn into snowmobile-

!!!!!OH! _**ChipsAhoyPup **_suggested this, so everyone applaud him/her for getting me to finally write another chapter. –throws cookies and fudge for ChipsAhoyPup, but they just smatter against her computer screen and Mom mistakenly yells at her for throwing poo like a monkey-

**Warning: **read the warning from the first page! x.x

Bathtime Ch 4!

_Subtitle: Dog dawg!_

Light was out and about in town with L, going to get a cheesecake since Watari had the flu(the old man had barfed partially-digested prunes all over poor Matsuda). Light, pulled along by the chain attached to the sugarholic, reflected on his most recent dream:

In his dream, L had pounced on Light in the middle of the investigation room, stood on top of him, then began to bounce on top of Light's stomach like a trampoline. Matsuda had been whining in the background about it being his turn while the team formed a line and Watari sold tickets to bounce on the Light-trampoline. Needless to say, Light did not discuss the reason why he woke up screaming that morning (That was my dream! Muhahaha!)

So, off in the middle of the city L and Light were to be found walking to L's favorite bakery. Upon arriving at said bakery, however, they discovered that it was closed due to the death of the owner…by heart-attack.

L stood in shock in front of his beloved bakery for a few moments, then turned to face Light, who was staring apprehensively at the detective, knowing what he was about to say.

"EVIL KIRA!" L screeched, pointing at Light dramatically and OOCically.

Light threw his hands up and attempted to reason with L, "You know it's not me! I'm not Kira! He probably was old and-" He was tackled. By L. In the middle of the street in front of a bakery. And L jumped on his stomach, just like in his dream.

A moment later, Light had managed to escape L, but due to the chain, L followed. Light ran an alleyway, L pounding after him mercilessly. Light found himself at a dead end, and turned to face L, suppressing a whimper. With a wild war cry, L launched himself at Light, "AAAIIIAIAIAIAIAIAI CAKE!"

Before L could land his death-blow on Light, however, something large, furry, and smelly got there first. L let out an alarmed yell, "WAAH!"

An enormous, fuzzy mass that smelled of sewage attacked Light, and as Light blacked out, his only thought was, "_At least Bigfoot got me before L could…"_

The next thing Light knew, he had awoken in the same alleyway, in the same position, on the same stretch of concrete. Sitting up gingerly and cursing L's lack of sympathy, Light looked around for the panda detective, only to come face-to-muzzle with something very fluffy. And smelly. Light felt a moment of panic as he looked up into the face of the supposed 'Bigfoot.'

What he found, however, was a million times worse. An enomous, fluffy, smelly, dirty Saint Bernard loomed over him, tongue lolling out of his mouth happily as he stared down at his new 'friend.' Light scurried away quickly from the smelly beast and saw two things that only made the situation worse:

L was riding said Saint Bernard, somehow managing to sit in his awkward position atop the mammoth canine.

The dog was covered in some brown, smelly, squishy material that also covered Light, due to the dog 'hugging' him….strange; it looked and smelled like….poo. Oh. Noes. POO!

Light started to convulse and cry, almost going comatose at the thought of being covered in dog excrement.

L smiled slightly at Light's suffering, counting it as_ some_ of the payback for (allegedly) killing off his favorite baker.

L sat on the filthy dog, seeing as he didn't mind poo, and placed his thumb to his lips, watching as Light slowly came out of his panic attack. Once Light's breathing was near enough to normal, L stated formally, "Light, I would like you to properly meet my new partner: Mr. Wubbles."

Light looked at the panda riding the ginormous dog that had covered him in fecal matter and asked, "Excuse me?"

L cocked his head to one side and stared at Light as if to say '_You heard me, silly'_, "Every good detective needs a loyal canine to help on cases, and this fated dog is evidently mine. So, Light Yagami, meet Mr. Wubbles. Mr. Wubbles, meet Light Yagami." L then stared at Light as if expecting him to shake the dog's non-existent hand.

Light just looked stupidly at the strange pair before him, his brain seemingly muddled by the poo, and asked the only question that came into his slowed mind, "Why Mr. Wubbles? I thought you'd pick a letter."

L frowned slightly, and replied emotionlessly, "Naming a human a letter is one thing, but to name a dog a letter? Now that's just embicile. And I chose Mr. Wubbles because he is wubbable."

Light's mind attempted to process L's insane statement, but something caught on fire in the process, so he just stared blankly at L. Blame the poo. Speaking of which…

"Light-kun is covered in poo." L stated suddenly and tonelessly.

Light nodded.

"Light-kun is covered in Mr. Wubbles' poo." L said.

Another nod from the supposed handsome genius.

"Mr. Wubbles in covered in his own poo."

Yet another nod from Light.

"They both need baths…"

Nod.

" I will take Light-kun and Mr. Wubbles to the dog wash." L declared.

Nod- then shake head vehemently in the negative.

L smiled and said happily, "You agreed. Let's be off them-geddi up!"

The dog must have been part horse (it sure was big enough) because it raced straight off out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, Light dragged mercilessly along behind him.

After a few blocks, L could no longer ignore the screams. He stopped the dog with a mild, "Whoa, there," And dragged Light onto the dog as well.

Relieved at the absence of pavement on his stomach, Light clenched his legs around the dog, prepared for the fast pace it would set. L commanded, "Geddi up!"

The dog walked forward five steps, then stopped. Confused, Light looked around, then almost cried again at seeing they were in front of the dog wash building. Yes, L could be cruel sometimes.

L dismounted the bear-like-dog, dragging Light behind him, and entered the building. A few hectic minutes later in which the employees wanted to cry at being forced to wash not only the huge dog but two boys as well, and the poopy trio found themselves in a wash room.

The frightened attendant that would be washing them that day (a terrified blonde girl who was probably still a teenager and the employer's impressionable daughter) looked at L in curiosity as he turned around, revealing the only place on his person covered in poo -- his bottom.

Noticing the girl staring, L turned around and informed her solemnly, "I know what you are thinking, but I assure you that this is in fact the dog's poo; I did not make a boom-boom."

The girl turned red in embarrassment, attempting to mumble something about her never thinkin g that sort of thing.

L faced Light, then suddenly pantsed him, commanding, "Strip, Light-kun."

The poor girl fainted.

L looked at the girl on the floor in confusion, then at Light, who had turned red at the removal of his pants. The panda detective then sighed and picked up the phone on the wall, called the front desk, and asked for another groomer-preferably one with a stronger constitution.

A few minutes later, and Light, the dog, and L were all shoved into the tub in the room, being forcibly washed by a man-woman-thing the size of Mogi named Helga.

Light squealed, L frowned, and the dog drooled the whole timed.

They walked out of the dog wash building some twenty-odd minutes later, everyone clean, minty-fresh, and fluffy. Yes, Light and L had fluffy hair now- must be the dog shampoo. The trio also sported bows in their hair, compliments of the groomer.

Riding home that evening on a now fecal-free dog, Light thought that the dog perhaps wasn't all that bad—it at least seemed to like him, seeing as it had knocked him out in its enthusiasm.

Upon entering headquarters, the pair of geniuses dismounted and headed for the investigation room, Light attempting to pull the bow out of his hair along the way…and failing miserably.

When they entered the room, Watari gave them an odd smile and hurried off-who knows, maybe to puke again. The team, having been getting ready to leave, petted the dog and admired its size. Light's eye twitched and he though, "_Yeah, he's just big enough to knock me out!"_

Matsuda, who had been busying himself with his coat, turned and saw the dog, then screamed, "OH NOES! ITS CUGO*!" then ran out the door wailing about rabies.

Everyone ignored the dumb yet adorable officer, too intent on the dumb yet adorable dog to notice.

Aizawa asked, "What's his name? D maybe, for dog?"

L gave him an annoyed look and answered, "NO, it's Mr. Wubbles."

Mogi gave him a funny look and asked why.

L sighed and answered at the same time as another, older voice did, "Because he's so wubbable."

Turning around, everyone stared at Mr. Yagami in surprise. He shrugged sheepishly, murmuring about living with three girls.

Before Light had the time to process that his dad called him a girl, he heard a click and saw a flash of bright light. Turning once again, L and Light saw sick old Watari grinning like no tomorrow, a camera held in his hand. He pointed at the be-bowed trio and wheezed, "Too cute, had to…"

END

Alternate ending time!

When they entered the room, Watari gave them an odd smile and hurried off-who knows, maybe to puke again. The team, having been getting ready to leave, petted the dog and admired its size. Light's eye twitched and he though, "_Yeah, he's just big enough to knock me out!"_

Matsuda, who had been busying himself with his coat, turned and saw the dog, then screamed, "MR. WUBBLES! SOMEONE FOUND YOU!" Matsuda then launched himself at the drooling dog and received many kisses from the dog.

L looked down at Matsuda in shock like this: O.O, and asked quietly, "You named him Mr. Wubbles too?"

Matsuda nodded and said happily, "Yeah, it's because he's so wubbbable!"

L's eye twitched and Light held back laughter at hearing the detective's exact words repeated by the densest officer on the force. The was the only day to L's knowledge that he questioned his own intelligence…and the possibility that Matsuda was a genius.

END

Alternate ending 2 time!

L looked at the girl on the floor in confusion, then at Light, who had turned red at the removal of his pants. The panda detective then sighed and picked up the phone on the wall, called the front desk, and asked for another groomer-preferably one with a stronger constitution.

Three boys walked in some odd minutes later. One boy had goggles and red hair, another blonde in a girls' cut, and the last(and smallest) white curly. They all appeared to be in their early teens.

L's eyebrows raised and disappeared into his hairline. He glanced quickly at Light, who was busy trying to fend off Mr. Wubbles' tongue, then hissed, "What are you three doing here, and how did you even _know_ where I'd be!?"

Matt shrugged his shoulders, taking a drag on a newly lit cigarette before adding, "I'm here for the awesome games in Japan."

Mello tapped the side of his nose conspiratorially and whispered, "We're good detectives, that's how! And we're here to prove it-or, at least Matt and I are."

The blonde shot a venomous glance at Near, who only toyed with his hair before asking L in a monotone, "L, is that the other boys' and/or the dog's poo, or did you make a boom-boom?"

And that was when L decided to make Near his successor-sadly, though, he forgot all about that when Mello and Matt started to strip him and Light forcibly.

About twenty some odd minutes later, and two raw young men and one happy dog made their way out of the dog wash building, fluffy, clean, minty fresh, and covered in hundreds of bows—who knew the pale little Near obsessed over bows as well?

Walking stiffly down the street from the intense scrubbing they had received at the hands of 3 insane genius detectives-in-training, L looked down happily at his dog, grateful to have found someone-er, some_thing_- so like himself in attitude.

As the trio rounded the corner, a homeless man suddenly accosted them, screeching, "ITS MISTA WUBBLES!"

L sighed sadly as the dog bounded back to his real owner and Light sighed in relief. Unbeknownst to Light, however, L was already making plans to call the pet store…

END

Well, Whaddya think? Good? Bad? Meh? Vomit? I think it was alright, nothing special. I just had to do this one! I know, I should have wrote more about Matt, Mello, and Near, but I got tired! I was squinting at the screen like this: .

Anyways, as always, please R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

**Bath Ch5!**

_**YuzukiraBirthday**_ Suggested this a loonnnnng time ago, and I just now got around to doing it, so thank him/her! (tries to give hugs but ends up hugging the monitor, causing brothers to look at her like this O.o and this o.O) Fank you berry much!

**Reason:** Do you really want to know? 'Cause I could tell you… but then I'd have to kick you in the groin.

**Warning:** Bleh, read it on the first chapter :P Though, with_ this _one….Hmmm, beware of facial aneurysms and vomiting toenails? Oh, and if you want to know what the subtitle means, you'll just have to READ! Oh, and this one starts off kinda serious, but will get funny.

_**Bath Ch5**_

_Subtitle: BBB_

A dark shadow crept through the night, practically noiseless, fixed on one building looming inconspicuously in the city skyline; the secret HQ for the Kira investigation squad, led by the one man/panda this shadowy figure was headed for; L.

The shadow-man, who walked with a slight hunch, crept up to the silent building, noting that there were few lights on in it. The man slipped through the front door, having disabled the intricate security system, and stepped through the empty lobby. Though he was on a mission of revenge, he carried no gun, no knife; no, that might have set off an alarm somewhere that he very well could have missed. No, it was better to play it safe…he had been waiting far too long for this moment to let something as silly as a piece of metal ruin all the fun that was to take place…

Taking the stairs, the supposed long-dead-man listened intently, his intelligent, wine-red eyes wide in the semi-darkness. He heard the faint sound of a door slamming shut some three stories up, followed by a shouted word that sounded suspiciously like 'bath.' Smiling triumphantly in the dark, the murderer made his silent way up to the source of the sound, and his unsuspecting victim…

*********

Elsewhere in the building, two young men, who happened to be chained together, had stepped into a bathroom and were having a peculiar argument.

"L, I told you, we are taking a shower!" Light sighed in frustration while removing his shirt.

L threw a luofa at Light from his perch on the side of the tub(which he had already sneakily filled with water) and argued calmly, "I know, but I should really like a bath tonight-my muscles are all worn out." As if to emphasize his point, the detective flailed his arms around pathetically.

Light gave the detective a glare and replied remorselessly, "All you did was type away on your blasted laptop. And besides, we made an agreement; we take a shower everyday except Tuesdays , Fridays every third Thursday of each month! As today happens to be a Wednesday, we are taking a shower! "

L wheedled, "I know the rules, Light-kun, but baths are just so much more fun! Remember how we play..?" L lifted up a rubber ducky as if to taunt the other male.

Light shifted uncomfortably and replied, "You know that I think it's fun to play in the tub, but it's too weird and time-consuming to do everyday!"

L sighed in defeat, resigning to just take a shower today. He was in the process of slipping off his long sleeved shirt when he though he heard footsteps outside the door. Popping his head back through his shirt, he asked Light with a slight frown, "Is there someone walking up on this floor?"

Light shrugged and replied uninterestedly, "I don't know L- if there is it's probably Matsuda looking for his lost wallet again…pathetic, he loses it every single Wednesday…"

L nodded and let his suspicions go, tugging off his shirt and proceeding to his pants with a sigh.

*****

The mysterious shadowy figure stood exceptionally still outside the bathroom door on the fifth floor, hardly daring to breathe. L was in there! He had heard his voice, talking about bathing…with a teenage boy, by the sounds of it. The murderer just let it go as one of the famed panda detective's quirks. He himself had much more, ah, dangerous fetishes than bathing with underage boys…An evil grin spread in the dark.

The man grasped the door handle softly, and opened the door centimeter by centimeter, silent as a ladybug(They are quiet!). Glancing inside the room, he saw two almost-naked young men facing away from him, disrobing. One was a handsome boy with caramel-colored hair and a well-toned, tanned body, probably almost an adult. The other figure in the room was none other than L, easily recognizable by his disheveled black hair and posture.

Grinning to himself, the murderer slipped into the bathroom and closed the door with a snap. Both of the almost-naked boys turned on the spot to face the bathroom intruder. Beyond Birthday, better known as BB, smiled insanely as a look of recognition crossed L's shocked face, thinking, "_Well, this will be fun…"_

Light turned and looked at the sound of the door closing to come face-to-face with someone who looked just like L. Light blinked in confusion, thinking that there was no way for L to re-dress that quickly. Then he noticed the man's eyes; they were red, red just like when one possessed Shinigami eyes… Oh. Crap.

L, who had also turned around to confront the intruder, almost went into a state of shock at seeing the supposedly dead man standing in his bathroom. L blinked, and the man grinned like a Cheshire cat. L opened his mouth, closed it, then finally asked in his emotionless voice, "You faked it?"

The man, known as BB, nodded and replied in an almost exact copy of L's voice, "Yes. The Kira brat gave me the perfect opportunity- it was ideal for an escape."

Light's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, wondering what in the world L and his clone were talking about.

L shifted where he stood in his boxers, scratching his left leg with his foot as he asked boredly, "And now you are here, in my bathroom, to do what?"

BB's grin faltered for a moment, then reappeared with gusto, "I'm here to exact my revenge, of course."

L's eyes narrowed, and he deadpanned, "It is two against one, BB. You may be of less intelligence than me, but I believe you know how to count?"

Light's mind went into overdrive once he realized who the man was. He stared at the infamous, and very insane, criminal, stunned. "_I-I thought I killed him! He should have died!"_

BB laughed slightly, and replied, "Yes, I know how to count. You seem to not realize that I have pockets in my pants, and the security system is completely down…"

L's eyes widened in the slightest, and BB grinned in triumph. 2.5 seconds later, and Light gasped softly, having come to the same conclusion as L.

BB swiveled his gaze over to Light at his gasp, who flinched slightly at the intense red stare. BB looked thoughtfully at the chain and Light, who also stood in his boxers, and asked L, "Really, now, teenage boys? I didn't think you swung that way…?"

Light's cheeks flamed and he fumed internally. L, however, was doing some calculations in his brilliant mind, trying to figure a way out of this that would get both him and Light out of harm's way.

L cleared his throat slightly, bringing BB's murderous glance back to himself, and stated calmly, "This is Light-kun. He is a suspect in the Kira investigation, and I have decided to monitor him 24-7, thus the reason for the chain."

BB chuckled lightly, and said, "Yes, you are definitely L; no one else would actually chain themselves to an underage murder suspect."

Light shifted uncomfortably, glancing at L for some sort of signal to pounce on the man. L, however, gave a slight shake of his head, clearly telling Light to not make a move.

Noticing the silent communication, BB said coolly, "Don't think of attacking me, by the way; I have bombs wired around the building, so anyone in here might be blown to smithereens….and we must not forget about the little surprises in my pockets." He patted his pockets for emphasis, momentarily showing the outline of hidden objects within.

L sighed and finally asked, "Well, what are you going to do, shoot us? Stab us?"

BB gave L an incredibly affronted glare, dropping his imitation of L for an instant, then exclaimed, "No! What fun would that be?"

Light mustered up his courage and spoke for the first time, "Well, then, what are you going to do?"

L shot Light a glare that said 'stay out of this, retard!' BB closed his eyes briefly in apparent thought, then opened them wide and gave the boxered pair the most insane look they had ever seen as he replied, "I'm going to give you two a bath."

Light and L looked at BB like this: o.O' (well, he is insane!)

L asked bemusedly, "You are going to….bathe us?"

BB grinned insanely, a trickle of drool escaping the corner of his mouth, and without giving a reply, suddenly pants both boys, eliciting a manly yell and a girly yipe (you can guess which was which) as their boxers were removed.

Light and L were then pushed into the bathtub by the incredibly strong murderer. Light and L sputtered in the already-drawn bathwater(due to L's earlier argument with Light).

Light, fearing for his life and his virginity(hey, he was just forcibly made naked!), squeaked, "You can't do this!"

BB just smiled, a menacing-looking loufa in his hand. He grabbed L by his hair and started to scrub the poor detective while Light watched in horror from the other side of the tub.

"Not so smart now, are we Mr. Panda?" BB growled, dunking L's head repeatedly under the water. L sputtered and coughed up water, starting to fear that he might drown.

"Oopsie, did the baby get soap in his eyes? Let me take care of that for you…hehe." BB grabbed a bottle of baby shampoo(L's) and squirted the contents in L's face.

L yelped at the burning, attempting to scrub his face in the water. Light let out a whimper of pity for the detective, and that was when BB turned his red gaze onto Light, his eyes lighting up like red bulbs.

"Oh, we forgot all about the pretty little boy! He's filthy!" BB reached out and grasped Light's honey-colored locks, dragging him forward. Light squealed in fear, only increasing the size of BB's maniacal smile.

Light whimpered as BB held his loufa up high, knowing that he was about to be scrubbed raw by the psychopath. The scrubbing! Oh, the scrubbing!

L was still attempting to rid his face of the baby shampoo, quite unable to help.

Light was dunked and held under the water by BB, then pulled back up, gasping for breath. Light sputtered and called the murderer the first thing that came to his waterlogged mind, "You evil buttmunch!" Yeah, not too intimidating.

BB frowned as he grabbed Light's chin and said in mock-concern, "Oh, my! Pretty boy has a potty mouth!" He then fished in his pockets with his other hand for something, and Light started to attempt to wrench his jaw away from the psychopath, afraid that he was about to pull out a gun.

BB withdrew his hand from his pocket, revealing….a bar of soap. Light immediately stopped struggling and just sat there in the water, dumbfounded by the insane murderer's idea of revenge. Taking advantage of Light's sudden stillness, BB wrenched Light's mouth open and shoved the bar of soap deep into the cavern, all the way to the molars. Light choked, literally choked, on the bar of soap. What a way for Kira to die, choking on soap…

As his vision slowly turned from red to black, Light saw BB holding L under the water, evidently trying to drown him.

Light woke up quite suddenly, gasping for breath and tasting a soapy residue in his mouth-wait, the bar of soap was gone! Light sat up from where he had slumped over the edge of the tub as he black out. Looking around wildly for the psychotic BB, he found, much to his surprise, BB sprawled out on the floor, knocked unconscious. Looking up, Light was even more surprised to find Matsuda standing above BB, a broken billy club/nightstick in his hand.

Light looked at Matsuda in awe, unable to process that Matsuda of all people had just saved his and L's lives, and from BB at that. L was also recovering from his brush with death, coughing up water from his new position on the bathroom floor; Matsuda had evidently dragged the drowning detective out of the tub.

L evened his breathing, then grabbed a towel, wrapped it around himself, and said a bit hoarsely, "Thank you Matsuda. I've got to go tell Watari and get the security system back in place." With a nod to Light, L left the bathroom, leaving Light, Matsuda, and BB's unconscious body alone.

Light almost laughed in relief, but then the disgusting taste in his mouth intensified. The taste of the soap became overwhelming, and Light vomited over the side of the tub. He wobbled, almost sinking under the water. Matsuda's hands shot out to steady him, and Light automatically flinched, thinking of BB.

Matsuda frowned as he helped Light out of the bathtub and allowed him to sink to the floor. Light gulped in air, then suddenly became aware of the fact that Matsuda was looking intently all over his frame.

Light squeaked and covered himself as best he could, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Matsuda's frown darkened and he then attempted to turn Light around. Light squawked indignantly and scooted away from Matsuda's hands, blushing. Why was the officer suddenly being so nosy about Light's body?

Matsuda sighed and squatted down next to Light, slowly placing a hand on Light's shoulder. Light allowed the hand after sending the officer a nervous, questioning look. Matsuda sighed again and said slowly, as if weighing every word, "Light, you know that I'm an officer, and I'm trained in handling all sorts of situations professionally, right?"

Light nodded, wondering what in the world was going on.

Matsuda drew in a deep breath and continued, "I mean it, Light, I may be goofy and a bit dim, but I am able to handle delicate situations. I am an officer, and a friend, and I am here to help." Matsuda gave Light a small smile that didn't quite reach his troubled eyes.

Light nodded again, speculating what Matsuda could possibly do to help, seeing as he had already taken care of BB.

Matsuda removed his hand from Light's shoulder and attempted to turn him around again. Once again, Light squawked and backed away, thinking, "_Pervert!"_

Matsuda looked at Light sadly and said calmly, "Don't worry, I'm not trying to hurt you."

Matsuda reached out his hand again, but Light growled and scooted into a corner of the bathroom, wondering if the officer had knocked himself loopy as well as BB.

Matsuda scooted slowly forward and continued to speak in a soothing tone, "Light, I'm going to have to take a look at you, and you need to tell me what happened, alright?"

Light blinked, then finally understanding Matsuda's odd behavior, thought blankly, _"He thinks BB raped me?"_

Matsuda continued his slow approach and said softly, "It's not your fault. This thing happens to nice looking boys like yourself sometimes…"

Light's mind reeled, and he attempted to formulate an articulate response, but failed miserably.

Before Light could say a word, he found himself enveloped in a very awkward hug, and after a while Matsuda muttered, "Hm, I don't see any nail-marks or blood on your back…Let's just check the rest of you."

And that was how the team found not only BB, but Matsuda as well, both unconscious on the bathroom floor, and a very red-faced Light, claiming that Matsuda had slipped and hurt his head.

Light and L never took a bath again, preferring to shower after their little incident.

END

Alternate ending time!

"Oopsie, did the baby get soap in his eyes? Let me take care of that for you…hehe." BB grabbed a bottle of baby shampoo(L's) and squirted the contents in L's face.

L yelped at the burning, attempting to scrub his face in the water. Light let out a whimper of pity for the detective, and that was when BB turned his red gaze onto Light, his eyes lighting up like red bulbs.

"Oh, we forgot all about the pretty little boy! He's filthy!" BB reached out and grasped Light's honey-colored locks, dragging him forward. Light squealed in fear, only increasing the size of BB's maniacal smile.

Light whimpered as BB held his loufa up high, knowing that he was about to be scrubbed raw by the psychopath. The luafa fell, however, and BB reached into the water to retrieve it. The problem was, it fell right over Light's danger-zone, and so when BB reached into the water, Light panicked and two things happened:

Light screamed like a little girl.

Light peed like a little girl.

Yes, Light peed in the tub. Yellow spread through the water, and BB quickly withdrew his hand, exclaiming, "Oh my gosh! That's disgusting! Urgh, yuck, I think I'm gonna puke! What a baby!..."

Light turned red as BB's rant continued, and neither noticed that L had recovered from the shampoo-attack. Taking advantage of BB's moment of distraction, L quietly reached over to the toilet and grabbed the plunger sitting there. He aimed and calculated the force needed, and then WHAM! He knocked BB unconscious. With a plunger.

Light gawked at the unconscious form of BB now slumped on the floor, then over to where L was stepping out of the tub and wrapping a towel around his waist.

L looked over at Light, then smiled and said, "Thank you Light-kun. Without your quick thinking, we might not have gotten out of this situation."

Light looked confused, wondering what exactly he had done to help.

Seeing his face, L frowned and asked, "So, then, Light-kun did not plan on peeing in the tub? Oh, dear…"

Light blushed and said quickly, "Y-Yes I did! I planned it; I just forgot when you whacked him with the plunger, that's all!"

L gave Light a look that said 'liar, you wet yourself,' held up a towel, and said coolly, "You might want to stop sitting in urine." Light shot out of the tub and grabbed the towel.

Looking down at BB, Light heard L calling Watari from his cell phone, informing him of the situation that had just transpired. L hung up and tugged on the chain, saying, "Come along, Light-kun. We must go get cleaned now-your urine smells. Not a bath, though; we don't want a repeat of yellow water…"

Light blushed uncontrollably, knowing that L would never let him live this down-why did it always have to be Light who did embarrassing things!?

END

**Author's Notes: ** Hahah, I'll tell you why, Light! It's because I DON'T LIKE LIGHT! HE KILLED L! I'm sure most people out there agree with me. Well, I don't really hate Light; I just don't like the fact that he killed L. Yes, I had to make Light pee himself again-the situation called for it!

Oh, this was my first time writing about BB, and I don't know much about him, so I'm very sorry if I did not portray him correctly.

Did you guys like it? Hate it? Made you want to dance the Macarena? Tell me about it! R&R(actually, don't tell me if you hated it; that would make me cry)!

**Anyways, I also wanted to say that, though there was a reference to rape, I do not in any way condone it, and it is a terrible thing. I would never mean to offend anyone.


	6. Chapter 7

**Bath Ch 7!** (Because 6-shivers- is a _bad_ number)

*This was suggested a while ago by _**Emo-Nerdy-Insane-Writer**_, so thank them! For you I shall give…um, uh… a… Chihuahua! :D(Attempts to force snarling, foaming Chihuahua through monitor, but ASPCA gets involved…)

**For **_**disclaimers**_** and**_** warnings**_**, see Bath Ch 1!**

**Important Info: **The intro takes awhile, but it picks up real fast, so bear with me! =D Oh, and sorry this took so long! I had writer's block ^^'. OH! And make sure to take my **poll **on my profile; it will determine the next 3 funny stories I make!

_**Bath Ch7**_

_Subtitle: Wherefore art thou naked?_

_OR: Why are you undressing here!?_

Light sighed from his computer chair and attempted to flip his hair, and not succeeding, sent a glare at L. Well, it _was _L's fault after all! If his hair wasn't so greasy, then he could flip it! But, wait—why was Light's hair greasy?! Well, it all started two weeks ago.

It was only a couple of weeks into their arranged handcuffed relationship of sorts, and Light was starting to believe he might be Kira. No, he hadn't gained his memories back, and he had no clue what a Death Note was, but he did have a murderous intent; he wished to murder L. Why? Well, contrary to what the viewer might believe, it was not because of the chain, nor L's creepy stare, nor the detective's eating habits, nor the sleepless nights Light was forced to endure due to said detective. No, it was because L had refused Light one thing he so desperately wanted and, in his opinion, needed: a shower.

Light liked to keep clean as much as (or a little more than) the next person, but he wasn't against not showering everyday. So, when the two geniuses were handcuffed together, Light hadn't complained when L had refused to let them shower that same day, and he also kept his peace when he received the same refusal the next day. By the third day of not showering, Light was miffed, not liking to feel so grimy.

"Light-kun!" L had exclaimed in his monotone at Light's persistence, "Kira doesn't stop to bathe, so neither will we!"

"But you don't know that! Maybe he takes 5 baths a day!" Light argued hotly.

L raised an eyebrow and asked, "And how would Light-kun know that…unless, Light-kun is Kira?"

Many arguments and fist-fights (in which L always somehow won)later in the two weeks following, and Light had learned to stop asking the detective for an opportunity to bathe and did the next best thing; attempted to wash hurriedly every morning in the sink with a wash-cloth while L brushed his teeth.

Poor Light would try to simultaneously brush his teeth and wash every inch of skin he could reach with a wash-cloth while standing next to L, because as soon as L was finished brushing his teeth, he would drag Light out to the investigation room in whatever state of cleanliness he might be in.

Even with his hurried washings in the mornings, after two weeks without a proper bath Light was distinctly unclean, and his hair! His poor, poor hair! It. Was. GREASY. Oh, the humanity! So, Light had appealed to his father the day before, complaining of the unsanitary condition L had forced him into.

After much yelling of an angry mustached-man (my papa has one too :[), L had finally consented to bathe the next day. So, here they were , the next day, and Light was _still _filthy.

"L," Light snapped, turning away from his computer monitor to face the panda fully, "you said that we were going to bathe today!" He glared in fury as L turned slowly in his chair.

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" L asked.

"When are we going to bathe!?" Light all but growled.

"Today." L answered robotically.

"_When _today?"

"Soon."

"How soon?"

"Within a certain amount of time."

"Give me a specific time!"

"In five minutes."

"Oh." Light blinked, seemingly mollified, "Okay, then."

Five minutes later saw them in an elevator. Light stood in the elevator, smiling happily at the thought of being able to get clean. L pushed a button on the control pad, and if Light were paying more attention to the panda instead of fantasizing about soap, he might have noticed that the floor L choose was a bit…unusual.

Light hummed happily as the elevator moved up through the floors without pause. Higher and higher up the elevator went, and Light began to wonder when they were going to get off. "L, what floor are we going to bathe on, anyways?" Light asked, sensing that something was off.

L scratched his left leg with his right foot and answered, "Not a floor."

Light looked at him seriously for a moment, then deadpanned, "No more word games or I swear I will tell my dad that you are every bit the pedophile he suspects you to be."

L suppressed a shiver at what Light's father would do if Light went through with his threat(…something involving a gun and his sensitive area, do doubt), L answered straight-forwardly, "We are going to the roof for our bath, Light-kun."

Light let out an aggravated half-snarl and whined, "_WWHHHYYYY?"_

L fought down the giggle at Light's funny noise(sounded like a fricken hampster :D) and answered mysteriously, "It's a surprise… and no reason for you father to forcefully castrate me." He added, still very aware of Light's threat.

Light just grunted, folding his arms huffily.

The elevator 'DING'ed and the doors slid open, revealing the roof- except with one big exception; there was now a mass of construction on top of it, which almost looked like a-

"Water park." Light said in shock, staring up at the huge mass of colorful slide, "You made a _water park _on the _roof."_

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why did I build a waterpark, or why on the roof?"

"Why are we up here when we're supposed to be bathin- wait, why are you stripping?!" Light exclaimed, catching sight of L stripping shamelessly right there on the roof for all to see.

L stopped momentarily in taking off his pants to fix Light with a confused look, "Well, I can't bathe with my clothes on-well, I could, but I'd rather not."

Light blinked in his own confusion, which was much more profound, and asked slowly, "You're bathing…here?"

"You are too," L intoned as he nodded and threw his pants to the side, and Light shielded his eyes before the detective's boxers could join them.

"Wait," Light gasped, finally coming to some sort of realization, and removed his hands to face the now only shirt-clad detective, "We're going to use the water park to bathe?"

L smiled a small smile and replied, "Why, of course, Light-kun! If I am going to be forced to bathe, I am going to do it my way. Do I ever do anything half-a$$ed?"

Light mouthed wordlessly, shrieking when L removed his shirt and tore off Light's own (Hey L! Shirts cost moneys! Don'ts wastes thems! :( XD)

"Come, " L stated commandingly, "I want to test out the water slide and clothes aren't allowed in the water."

Light gave L a wary look and relented, "Fine, but if you do anything perverted then-"

"Yes, yes, your father will taser my lower body parts, I know, just undress already." L replied impatiently.

Light grumbled quietly to himself and finally disrobed, feeling incredibly self-conscious, and L re-secured their handcuffs. He then proceeded to follow behind L to one of the towering waterslides. Up and up stairs they climbed to the top of the slide, and Light felt slightly queasy at the height. He was distracted from that, however, as L grabbed his arm and threw him down the waterslide, following close behind.

Butt-nakedness aside, it was pretty fun to get clean via water park, Light thought to himself a bit later as he and L zoomed down yet another water slide, screaming widly.

END

_**Alternate Ending Time! (**__**The team joins the fun!)**_

"Wait," Light gasped, finally coming to some sort of realization, and removed his hands to face the now only shirt-clad detective, and was met with an odd sight—L was not wearing boxers, but swim-trunks. Light blinked once again and then continued, "We're going to use the water park to bathe?"

L smiled a small smile and replied, "Why, of course, Light-kun! If I am going to be forced to bathe, I am going to do it my way. Do I ever do anything half-a$$ed?"

The elevator opened behind the two geniuses and a chorus of "WOOOAAAHHHH!!" was heard. Light turned to see the rest of the investigation team walking towards them, gazing at the water park like little kids.

"So this was why the memo said to wear swimsuits under our clothes!" Mogi murmured as he gazed up at the several water slides.

Indeed, as everyone began to strip, revealing swim trunks (thank God no one owns a speedo these days), it became quickly apparent that Light was the only one without swim wear.

L, becoming impatient and wanting to get into one of the pools, pantsed Light and commanded, "Strip, Light-kun." (Hmm, that sounds familiar…) He then proceeded to tug at Light's shirt, aided by an eager and oblivious Matsuda who was already adorned with water-wingies.

Realizing what was going on, Light exclaimed, "W-wait, L! I don't have any trunks with m-" Light attempted to argue with L, only to be overridden by the panda.

"Well, Light-kun, _you _were the one who wanted to bathe so badly, so you can just skinny-dip."

Light's teenage face heated up and he yelped, "N-no thank you! I'll just stay dirty!"

L's face twisted into a slightly maniacal grin as he and Matsuda releaved him of his shirt, "But Light-kun, no one will be perverted or care; we're all practically family! And besides, you're hair is icky when it's greasy." Needless to say, L moved out of the path of Light's fist just in time.

"Now, now boy." Mr. Yagami warned, shooting L a glare that said 'don't touch my baby boy, you freaky panda pervert' and handed Light a pair of trunks he had brought along just incase.

Changing behind the father/shield quickly, Light reappeared in a pair of swimtrunks and allowed himself to be re-handcuffed.

"Alright, be careful!" Mr. Yagami cautioned as Matsuda and L dragged Light over to the waterslides.

They climbed up the tallest of the water slides, and standing atop the platform, Light felt slightly sick at how far away the ground looked from their precarious position atop the metal contraption. He was yanked forcefully back to reality, however, as the chain was jerked sharply. He looked around in confusion, and saw that L had seated himself as the mouth of the slide, water rushing past his legs.

L looked up at Light and commanded, "Sit, Light-kun, so we can get going."

"What?" Light asked in confusion.

L sighed and explained, "Since we're chained, the best way for us to go down is for us to sit together. So, sit down behind, grab my waist, and put your legs around me. Matsuda will do the same behind you." (SO many fangirls got nosebleeds at that innocent explanation, I know it…)

Light blushed at the fangirl implications and obeyed, scooting forward, clamping his arms around L's skinny waist, and bringing his legs to rest on either side of the detective's own. Behind him, Light felt the ever-excitable Matsuda do the same, encircling his arms around Light's waist and positioned his legs.

Light's faced burned as Matsuda exclaimed, "Hey! Guess what I just realized? We're like a train! L's the engine, Light's the cattle car, and I'm the caboose!" Light almost bashed his head against the back of L's, but he restrained himself and contented himself with helping to push off, whizzing away down the water slide.

Emptying out into one of the pools a few water-slide-rides later, Light found himself dragged into the inevitable; playing chicken. Having argued and finally come to an agreement, Light sat atop Aizawa's shoulders and L was perched on Mogi. Matsuda was referee while Mr. Yagami and Watari watched from lounge chairs.

"Alright, kid, let's give 'em a run for their money." Aizawa grumbled as Light glared over at L.

"You aokay up there, boss?" Mogi asked in his deep voice, "Remember not to kick Aizawa in the face, alright?"

L and Light locked hands, grappling, as Mogi and Aizawa did the same beneath. Many grunts and a huge splash later, and L and Mogi had won. Light and Aizawa pouted from the side of the pool, Light complaining, "L fights dirty! If he hadn't said that he saw Misa behind me…"

END

_**Alternate ending 2 Time! (**__**naked lad!)**_

L, becoming impatient and wanting to get into one of the pools, pantsed Light and commanded, "Strip, Light-kun." (Hmm, that sounds familiar…) He then proceeded to tug at Light's shirt, aided by an eager and oblivious Matsuda who was already adorned with water-wingies.

Realizing what was going on, Light exclaimed, "W-wait, L! I don't have any trunks with m-" Light attempted to argue with L, only to be overridden by the panda.

"Well, Light-kun, _you _were the one who wanted to bathe so badly, so you can just skinny-dip."

Light's teenage face heated up and he yelped, "N-no thank you! I'll just stay dirty!"

L's face twisted into a slightly maniacal grin as he and Matsuda releaved him of his shirt, "But Light-kun, no one will be perverted or care; we're all practically family! And besides, you're hair is icky when it's greasy." Needless to say, L moved out of the path of Light's fist just in time.

"Be nice, Light-kun. I am just offering the best solution since there are no other swim trunks in the vicinity, and normal fabrics aren't allowed in the pool to keep it's system in balance." L said emotionlessly.

"My dad won't want you or anyone to see my naked!" Light growled.

"Yes, it's fine son," came Mr. Yagami's voice from in one of the pools, "No one will care, and if anyone's perverted just tell me and I'll shoot them."

Light stared over in the direction of his father's voice, dumbfounded, and so did not notice L and Matsuda's silent communication. Matsuda and L exchanged various handsigns, then began to execute their plan on the unawares Light.

Matsuda stepped infront of Light and began talking animatedly, "You know, Light, there's nothing weird with swimming naked around other guys! It's just like the shower room in gym, or a bath house, or…"

While Matsdua was busy distracting Light, L snuck up behind the teenage genius and quickly pantsed Light again, running away with his boxers happily.

Light squeaked at the theft of his last article of clothing, then squeaked even higher as Matsuda threw him over his shoulder and ran to the pool, screaming, "DOUBLE CANNON BALL!"

Light surfaced from the pool, gasping for air and simultaneously more humiliated and furious than he had ever been in his life. He looked around for L, pinning all the blame on the panda man, only noticing him when it was too late—in other words, as he was running toward the pool, yelling, "CANNON L!"

By time Light regained enough air to realize what was happening, L had swam over to him and reattached the handcuffs. That sneaky little booger.

Yes, Light had to swim around naked and was mentally scarred, but at least he got clean.

END

**Author's Notes: **Okie-dokie! That's it for Ch7! Heh, yeah, I had to do multiple endings for this one; it called for it. To tell you the truth, I had thought of so many things that could go with this one chapter, but I couldn't make it all fit with out it being another story of its own.

I couldn't bring myself to have one of them wear a speedo -.-—though, seeing as how it would have probably been Watari, that's most likely for the best.

Hm, I wrote this real late at night, so I'm sorry if it sounds like crap. ^^' Oh, and I actually used and almost-curse-word! --Le gasp!—

Oh, and for the fangirl reference: that's just how my siblings and friends and I would often go down waterslides at our local water-park. Nothing gross meant by it.

Hmm, well _Make sure to take the poll I talked about earlier_! And as always, R&R!

I wuvs you all!

J'aime bein les mignone garcons! Ils ont tres…je ne sai quoi…


	7. Chapter 8

**Bath Ch 8!**

**Disclaimers and Warnings can be found on Bath Ch 1!**

**Important Info: **Sorry for the wait ^^' I've been busy with family, college, and my new deviantart atufff(check it out, there's a link on my profile!) Hmmm, this is one of my better ideas, I believe, and more…intelligent? :3 Oh, and in this one, L makes everyone work on the weekends.

_**Bath Ch 8**_

_Subtitle: 5 days_

L sighed in discontentment as he dutifully scrubbed away in his huge bath-spa, glaring at Light, who was seemingly in bliss with the secret bathroom.

L winced as his loufa touched his black eye, and he thought back to how this whole mess started with a single shoe…

_5 days earlier…_

It was a Saturday, and a familiar argument was raging inside of a certain two geniuses' room.

"Come on L!"

"No."

"This is inhumane!"

"No."

"It is a basic need!"

"No."

"I'll give you sweets!"

"No, I am well supplied."

"I'll… kiss your feet!"

"Ew, no."

"I'll…do whatever you want!"

"Admit to being Kira."

"NO!"

"Then, no."

"…I'll… let you… be perverted…with me."

"….Four things: One, Ew. Two, I'm disappointed in you for thinking so little of me. Three, Up 5% for wanting me to be killed by your father. And Four, no!"

"Fine then, I'll scream!"

"No."

"I'll cry!"

"…Girly as that may be, no."

"I'll tell my dad!"

"He won't care as long as you are healthy and not molested."

"But-"

"NO."

"Waaaahhhhh~!"

"That is _so_ girly. No."

Light flopped down on the floor, then started banging his fists on the ground and kicking his legs, wailing, "_Please let me bathe!" (Haha, commence tamtrum-mode!)_

L looked down at the emotional scene from his position by the doorway of their room and sighed, "No. Now stop or I'll kick you in the kidneys and make you pee blood for 3 weeks…and then Matsuda will think you're a girl." (:D)

Light growled and immediately stopped his phony emotional outburst. He straightened up and looked L fully in the face, then asked in a calm, quiet voice, "L, will you please let me bathe? It has been a month." It had indeed been a month since Light's last proper bath; his hair actually looked _black _from the accumulated grease, and he was so dirty that he didn't even smell. Yes, he stank so bad that he didn't stink any more O.O'.

L, noticing the abrupt change in Light's demeanor, instantly went on guard, wondering what he was up to. "No, Light-kun."

Light didn't show any sign of rage or disappointment, furthering the sinking feeling in L's gut, and only stated, "Alright then…but, by time Wednesday comes, you'll let me take a bath, mark my words."

L narrowed his eyes, resisting the urge to spit out another percentage, and instead asked, "If you are done with your childish behavior, can we get to the work room now?" He tugged on the chain for emphasis.

Light nodded and followed L out to the workroom. Several uneventful hours later, L began to get the feeling that something was off. He looked around at his team and did not notice anything out of the ordinary. Frowning slightly, he was about to turn back to his work when Matsuda of all people spotted what he had missed, "Hey Light, why aren't you wearing shoes?!"

Excitable Matsuda drew the attention of the whole room to the absence of Light's ever-present shoes. L blinked in surprise; Light always, _always_ wore his shoes and was not the type to forget them.

Light smiled a slight smile and replied to Matsuda, and the room at large, "Well, I didn't feel like wearing them today. And besides, L doesn't wear them much either." He pointed first to the bare-footed L, then to the shoes lying under his desk, where he had evidently taken them off, unnoticed by L.

Seemingly satisfied with his explanation, mainly because it had to do this L, the rest of the room went back to work. L, however, looked at Light suspiciously, thinking to himself, '_What is he up to…?'_

The next day, Sunday, L watched as Light removed his shoes _and _socks before the team arrived and placed them neatly under his desk.

L raised his eyebrows at the now bare-foot Light and asked flatly, "What are you up to?"

Light smiled and replied, "Up to? I don't know what you're talking about L…I'm only making myself more comfortable and so more able to work." L frowned, letting it go for now.

Light gave the same explanation to the rest of the team as he had done the day before, telling them that he was just getting comfortable and doing what L did.

Monday was the day everyone got worried. L and Light arrived at the workroom, as per usual, about ten minutes before the rest of the team. L watched to see what Light would do today, still bewildered by his behavior.

Light carefully removed his shoes and socks and placed them as he had done the days before under his desk. He then paused and calmly removed his shirt, leaving him nude from the waist up.

"Can you unlock the chain for a moment? I don't want the shirt to wrinkle."

"No…"

"Fine." So He ignored L's slightly scandalized look as he let the shirt hang from the middle of the chain.

L gaped at him for a moment, unaware that he was out of character, and asked, "Light-kun, why in the world are you half-nude?!"

Light smiled and replied sweetly, "I've told you twice already; I'm making myself comfortable and-"

"I've heard that already," L interrupted, "what are you _really_ up to?"

Light just smiled and gave him a simple, shirtless shrug. :D

When the team entered, Mr. Yagami gave a slightly strangled noise and, instead of rounding on Light, as L had thought he would, immediately confronted L, "L, why is my son missing his shirt!? This had better not be your doing…!"

L backed his chair slightly away from the raging tower of father that was Mr. Yagami, and stated calmly, "I assure you that I have nothing to do with this; I was just asking Light-kun why he was shirtless as well."

All eyes turned to Light for the third time in three days, and he smiled assuringly as he stated the familiar mantra, "I didn't feel like wearing it today, and I want to be comfortable; L gets to be comfortable, so I should too."

Mr. Yagmi frowned uneasily, then sighed in defeat. Light stayed shirtless, much to L's growing worry.

L had begun to piece together the pattern that was emerging; Light was removing one article of clothing each day—first his shoes, then his socks, and then his shirt. But why? And what would happen on Tuesday? L feared he knew the answer to latter.

Tuesday morning, as they made their way out to the work room, L stopped Light in the hallway and questioned seriously, "Light-kun, are you going to be naked today?"

Light gave L a slightly shocked look and replied, "No, L, I definitely won't be going naked today!"

L sighed mentally in relief as he sat down at his computer.

His relief was short-lived, however, as Light began to undress: shoes, socks, shirt, and…pants. Light began to remove his pants, and L, knowing that the team were due to arrive at any moment, lunged forward and grabbed hold of the waistband of his pants.

L pulled upwards on Light's pants, grunting, "No, the pants stay on! I don't want to die today!" Light responded by attempting to force his pants down.

L fought desperately to pull Light's pants back on, no wanting to be killed by a certain mustached-police chief, while Light tried to pull them off, arguing, "Let go, L!" Unfortunately for one certain insomniac, that was the moment the team chose to enter the room.

Everyone's coffee cup spilled to the floor at the strange, suggestible scene before their eyes: Light was half-out of his pants, both him and L grasping the waistband of said pants in clear disagreement of whether they should remain on or not. Mr. Yagami seemed to switch the disagreement in his head, as most would, thinking that L was pulling down the pants while Light was trying to keep them on.

"This…is not what it looks like." L stated much more calmly than he felt.

2.5 seconds later, and Mr. Yagami had chased L(and not Light, since L had the foresight to unloack their chain before sprinting) out of the room, and Light took off his pants triumphantly while the three remaining team members ogled at them all.

So, that was how L found himself taking refuge like some sort of cat on top of a large maintenance unit some floors below, sporting a black eye. '_Thank goodness this is bolted to the wall,' _L thought dully as Mr. Yagami attempted to tip the massive, metal rectangle over.

"Get down here, pervert! I need to **talk** with you about my **son**!" Mr. Yagami shouted angrily, waving around a wrench he had been lucky enough to find. :D

L, having done some quick calculations in his mind before choosing this as his refuge (to ensure nothing could hit him), stated calmly, "No, you want to hit, not talk. _I_ want to talk, but every time I try, you end up trying to butcher me with found objects. You are quite hypocritical, you know."

Mr. Yagami let out an angry yell and attempted to throw the wrench at L, only to miss the ever-elusive detective.

After a few more minutes of hiding on top the unit and dodging thrown tools and such(he found a toolbox, that lucky sonnofagun XD), Light finally walked into the room, dressed only in his boxers.

He leaned against a wall, panting, and attempted to speak, "Finally…..found..you…!"

Mr. Yagami lowered the hammer he was about to chuck at the panda and cast his worried glance over at Light, asking, "Son, why did you come after us? He's your attacker! Your…pedophile-guy!" He gestured angrily at L with his menacing hammer.

Light, having regained his breath, explained with a strained smile, "You've got it all wrong Dad…" He gave the real story of what happened, and his explanation he had been using for the last three days.

Mr. Yagami finally consented to stop his attempted assassination of L, promising that he'd look over the footage from that morning to be sure nothing had happened. Light gave L an innocent smile and exited the room with his father. L glowered as he got down from his high perch, landing like a kitty cat. :3

Wednesday arrived, and L attempted to make Light stay out of the workroom, fearing what might happen.

"Stay in bed today, Light-kun."

"No, we have to find Kira."

"Please, just stay in our room."

"No."

"Take the day off, you deserve it."

"I do, but no."

"Would you like to spend the day in another, secluded room?"

"No, I want to work."

"Would you like to assist Watari?"

"No."

"Please stay in our room today, Light-kun!"

"No! Why?"

"…Are you going to be naked today?"

"Why, yes, yes I am. I'm glad you've caught on."

"Will you stay dressed today?"

"No."

"Will you stay out of the workroom today?"

"No."

"I'll scream."

"No."

"I'll cry."

"I'll laugh, no"

"I'll… do pedophile-type… things… to you… if you don't!"

"No you won't, my father would kill you. No."

"I'll kick you!"

"I'll hit you back, no."

Light walked out of their room, yanking on the chain and stripping as he went.

L attempted to drag him back with the chain, only to be drug forward himself.

"Please, Light-kun, don't do this!"

"No."

"I, I'll do anything you want."

"…Will you drop the investigation on me?"

"…No, but anything else, anything!"

"…Let me bathe."

L blinked, looking at the now half-naked Light, and asked incredulously, "You did all of this, put me and the force through all of this torture, almost got me killed and nearly convinced your father that I was a pedophile so you could _bathe?"_

Light smiled a slightly cold smile and replied, "Yes, remember what I said on Saturday?...By time Wednesday came, you'd let me take a bath."

L glared at Light and finally ground out, "Fine! We'll bathe, but your percentage is going up 5% for contriving such a psychotic, dangerous plan!"

Light laughed slightly as he followed L to his secret bathroom and muttered to himself, "It was worth it."

END

Yes, Light got to bathe! A little odd and not all actually about the bathing process. So, did you like it? I hope you did, and I hope it made you laugh obscenely!

Well, thanks for reading and please R&R!

Emoticon Pary!

^w^ ^0^ ^o^ O.o o.O O.O OoO 0o0 ^^ :( :( :) XD :D XD ^^' ;) ^W^ ^M^ :P :O :') :'O DX D: :/ :{)


	8. Chapter 9

Bath Ch 9!

For disclaimers and warnings, please see Bathtime Ch1. ~'

Important Info: Uhhmmm…. Lemme get back to you on that after I've written it ^^'

*This is dedicated to all those who like to read a fic about L and Light, naked, and wet, but not being 'naughty' once every now and then. =w=

_**Bathtime Ch 9**_

_Subtitle: Going Dooooooowwwnnnnn~!_

Light twitched in annoyance as Watari poured hot water from the kettle into what he referred to as 'the bucket,' and what L insisted was a 'tub.'

Finishing filling the old-fashion metal bathing tub that currently sat on the kitchen floor with hot water from a kettle, Watari left, promising to return with pajamas.

Light attempted to shift his legs from their cramped position pushed up against L's skinny, pale ones. Not succeeding, Light resumed his earlier argument with the scrunched-up panda sitting directly in front of him.

"This is ridiculous." Light growled, "Why do we have to bathe together in this godforsaken tin can?!"

L blinked owlishly at Light and stated, "I like this tub, and we bathe together to save time; Kira won't wait while we take turns."

"I wish you'd listen to reason," Light grumbled, feeling a muscle cramp up in his left thigh, "this is no way to bathe, like we're in the 1800's!"

L cocked his head to one side and echoed robotically, "I wish you'd listen to reason."

Bristling, Light spat, "Don't mock me!"

L's dark eyes bored into Light's, and he intoned, "I was not mocking you, Light-kun; you were, in fact, mocking me, as I said that during yesterday's bath. I am not at fault for restating my previous words. All the blame lies with you."

Light attempted to hit the detective, forgetting about L's advantage. Light's fist glided past L as the wily panda moved efficiently 5 inches to the right, and as Light raised his fist again, L moved his foot the 2 or so inches to the left and 4 inched forward he needed to efficiently kick Light in the groin. Though the resulting cry of pain and profanities ensured that the kick had done its job, L was still put off by the lacking force their cramped position afforded.

Unable to assumed the fetal position or remove L's foot from his…_area_ in the cramped metal tub, Light instead chose to reciprocate the action. The choking yell and general watering of eyes that followed left Light feeling a bit better—that is, until he was once again kicked in the groin by the still very present foot, along with the familiar, though high-pitched, statement, "One for one." Light wouldn't take that lying down-especially since he couldn't properly curl up on his side and cry like usual.

One groin-kicking fight later, and both boys were curled upon on the kitchen floor, in the fetal position, receiving a severe lecture from Watari—(Flashback~!)_Watari had come in to find 2 howling geniuses repeated kicking eachother's …um, groins in the metal tub they were squished together in. Twitching slightly at the stupidity of boys, Watari had ran forward and snatched L out of the tub, depositing him on the floor to assume the fetal position, Light following moments later._

"I can't believe you two!" Watari ranted as the pair cried on the floor(they were manly tears, alright!?), "You are both supposed to be geniuses! L, you are the world's top three detectives and in charge of this boy- you shouldn't be assaulting his privates and acting like a child! And you, Light, you are an honors college student, son of the police chief, and suspected of being Kira by the very man you assulted- you shouldn't be damaging his reproductive organs!..."

The rant continued, and the duo on the floor ignored the most of it, choosing instead to focus on the pain they were in.

Sighing when he saw they weren't listening, Watari walked to the fridge and filled two plastic bags with ice.

Turning back to the injured geniuses curled up on the floor, Watari declared, "Alright, if you two want this ICE," both L and light looked up immediatedly, "then you will have to promise me two things!"

Both nodded deliriously from the floor, each reaching out one hand for their precious pain-numbing ice.

"First," Watari stated, holding the bags easily out of reach, "you will both have to swear to me, in presence of the surveillance cameras, that you will NEVER again harm each-others privates in any manner again unless one is attempting to kill and/or rape the other!"

Light nodded vigorously, and L, after a moment spasming in pain, also shook his head in agreement.

"Alright, second, you both have to take either baths or showers in a normal bathroom, in a normal tub or shower—no more metal tub!" Watari stated solemly.

Light almost smiled in esctacy, though only managing a pained grimace. L, however, shook his head 'no.'

Watari gave L a hard look and said with a sense of finality, "No, L, no more metal tub in the kitchen. You have to use a real bathroom for bathing now—you'll be fine. And besides, you both proved this evening that you cannot be trusted in such close proximity in the metal tub."

Looking defeated and in excruciating pain, L finally nodded, reaching out a hand to grab the ice that Watari finally lowered for the boys.

"And now I shall go call a doctor to see if you two will be able to walk again- let alone have children." Watari sighed heavily.

*****

Three days later and not only could L and Light walk without pain, but were now due for a bath.

Having seen the detective's impressive spa master bathroom, Light was in quite a good mood. "So, L, what's it gonna be? Shower or bath?—I don't care which!" Light chirped happily as he pranced around the massive bathroom that contained a bath big enough for five men.

L shifted where he sat on the tub without saying a word, the chain connecting them jingling as Light explored the awesome bathroom.

Light examined the shower, calling behind him, "Hello, earth to L! Which is it gonna be—bath or shower?"

L brought his thumb up to his mouth and nibbled on it, staring at his wriggling toes. Noting the silence, Light shouted from where he had his head stuck in the shower, "Alright, I'll choose! Hmmm… shower!"

"No." L spoke finally, still worrying away at his thumb.

Light brought his head out from in the shower and said with a shrug, "Fine then, a bath it is." He walked over to the enormous tub and began to fiddle with the knobs.

"No." came L's voice once more.

Confused, Light straightened up from where he had bent over the tub and looked at L with a perplexed expression on his face. "What? Bath or shower, L?" he asked again, thinking that perhaps the strange detective had misheard.

"Neither." L stated monotonously from his perch atop the closed toilet seat.

Sighing in frustration, Light sat atop the tub and said agitatedly, "No metal tub, L! You promised Watari!"

L lowered his gaze and said flatly, "I'm not going to bathe."

Enraged, Light began to approach L and shouted, "You are _not _going to stop us from bathi-"

"You can bathe, I'm not stopping you." L informed Light calmly. Light stopped midstride, clearly taken by surprise that the detective would not make him suffer along with him.

"Really?" Light asked, then mentally shook himself and said firmly, "No, L, I am not going to have you stink up the place just because you refuse to bathe in anything other than a creepy metal tub in the kitchen!"

With that said, Light walked over to the filling porcelain bathtub and removed his pants and underwear, then his shirt, letting it hang from the chain. He then stepped into the tub and called, "Come in, L!"

L furrowed his brow and shook his head in the negative. Not at all surprised, Light pulled on the chain, causing the detective to fall off the tub and onto the floor. Taking advantage of this, Light began to reel him in like a fish via the chain.

Not one to go without a fight, L quickly rightened himself and pulled back on the chain. Light, however, had the advantage in this fight; he placed his feet against the tub and heaved on the chain. L lost the tug-of-war and was slowly pulled over to the tub. Once within reach, Light grabbed L's arm and pulled him quickly into the now-full tub.

Both landed with a 'splash' in the tub, one naked and the other still clothed. L glared at Light moved his leg intending to kick. Light squeaked, expecting his privates to be attacked again, and did the only thing he could think of: ran to the other end of the tub. But, as all know, running through water is very difficult, so he fell into the water near the drain, narrowly avoiding bashing his head on the tap.

Landing safely in the water, Light was surprised to hear L's surprisingly panicky voice calling, "Light-kun, get away from there!", nor did he expect to be dragged away from that end of the tuba and completely out of it by the same man.

Now wet and on the floor and reliving a sense of dejavu (minus the pain), Light looked up at L in genuine shock. "What was all that about, L?" Light asked unsurely.

L glanced back towards the tub and answered jerkily, "The drain."

Clearly still confused as to the detective's strange actions, Light prompted for an explanation by wittily stated, "Huh?"

L glanced back to the tub and said uneasily, "You could've been sucked down the drain. I saved Light-kun."

Light stared incredulously at the panda man who he had considered to be one of the bravest (and rash) men he had met, not able to comprehend that the world's greatest detective still believed he could go down the drain.

"L," Light began,"Uhm, you know you can't go down the drain, right?"

L gave Light a stare that said he'd heard that before, then stated, "I've heard that multiple time in my life, Light-kun." Light twitched.

Standing, Light held out his hand to L and said, "Give me the key to the handcuffs."

"No." L answered automatically, instantly going on guard.

Light grit his teeth and instead said, "Fine then, give me something else from your pocket."

L handed him some lint. Light face-palmed. "Give me a larger object from your pocket, like one of those suckers you always have with you!"

L reluctantly handed over a red lollypop. Light snatched it and threw it in the tub. L twitched, very nearly diving in after the candy. "Why did you throw perfectly good candy in the tub of death?" L questioned with a small frown.

"Just watch." Light snapped. He leaned forward at the front of the tub and jerked out the stopper before L practically flung Light away from the tub.

"Is Light-kun suicidal?" L asked irritably.

Light got up from the floor and motioned L closer to the tub, instructing him, "Just watch."

L shuffled closer to the tub and stood there with Light, watching as the water therewithin was sucked away down the drain. The water finally all disappeared, leaving the red lollypop sitting safely atop the drain.

"See?" Light said gently, "If something as small as a lollypop can't get sucked down the drain, then how would something as big as you go down?" L looked as though he had just figured out the meaning of life(again).

He grabbed ahold of Light's shoulders and shook him, saying in a awed voice, "I can't go down the drain, Light-kun! …And neither can you!" Light smiled, glad to have finally gotten it through his head.

"Shall we bathe now?" Light asked tiredly.

L nodded readily in agreement, unlocking the handcuffs and undressing, then re-locking the handcuffs.

Refilling the tub, L and Light settled in the luxuriously immense tub with contented sighs. Closing his eyes lazily, Light said with a laugh, "You know, when I was younger I used to think that there were sharks in the waves of the bathwater."

Two seconds late found L dragged out of the tub by a panicked L yelling for Watari and a harpoon.

END of Ch9!

Well, whatcha think? ^^' Yes, I used to believe in the ever-popular 'down the drain' and 'sharks in the waves' theories of young children. I know that L, being a genius, wouldn't believe either, but I was playing on his childish nature. w

Yes, I had to have them stuck in one of those old-fashioned metal tubs having a groin-kicking battle! XDD

Hm, well, give me ideas if ya want, and go read the other updated items if you haven't already. And remember to R&R! I loves reviews!(the nice ones, that is)


	9. Chapter 10

Bathtime Ch 10!

For **disclaimers **and **warnings**, please see Bathtime Ch1!

**A Request:** I would really love a Beta! :D Qualities I'm looking for in my Beta: strong constitution for gore and sick stuff, pleasant disposition, quick in getting my stuff back to me, likes chocolate and humor, would be willing to discuss ways to improve stories and my writing, is knowledgeable in sentence structure and grammar, and actually likes my stories XD Oh, and a qualified Beta—your profile should have the details about Betaing.

**A Note:**…I sincerely apologize for my incredibly long absence not only in this story but in all of my writings. I GIVE YOU ALL PERMISSION TO YELL AT ME IN THE COMMENTS AND SAY MANY NAUGHTY WORDS OF VULGAR QUALITY! TT^TT Anyways, I'm outta school for the summer and all important matters have finally been taken care of, so now I'll be able to quickly finish up the five or so updates waiting in my 'DN' folder ;)

_**Bathtime Ch 10**_

_Subtitle: Scrub-a-dub-dub, what a scary tub_

Light was not one to be easily surprised, what with his abnormally fast and precise analytical skills allowing him to predict the outcomes of events in most cases. But this… was quite unexpected. Light suppressed a groan as, while moving to click something on his computer, the green dress shirt he wore rubbed against a tender spot on his arm—the latest addition to many angry, red welts on his body. He took a moment to curse all of existence internally before resuming his monotonous scanning of Internet articles for rumor of Kira.

When he was first chained to L, the foremost thought that went through his shell-shocked mind was something to the effect of, '!' The next thought was a bit more witty, even if blunt, 'At least he's a slob.' One might think of this statement as odd coming from Light Yagami, self-proclaimed perfectionist and neat freak, but he was thinking beyond the simple matter of filth being in his personal bubble for an indefinite amount of time—no, he was considering the lack of bathing most 'slobs' partook in. So it was that Light found a smidge of comfort in the fact that he would not be seen naked in front of the strange detective too often… for the first fifteen minutes. He remembered the surprise, so long ago it seemed, and the utter terror- Light was interrupted from his musing by the approaching sound of shoes connecting briskly with the cold linoleum and the telltale creaking of a heavily loaded metal cart.

Quite hungry, Light turned his computer chair to face the cart and Watari, an obligatory yet appreciative smile on his tired face. The old man smiled kindly back, stating as expected, "I brought you two some food and tea, in case you were hungry."

"Thank you, Watari-san," Light replied earnestly as he took a plate bearing a completely sugar-free sandwich.

L simply held out an open hand without turning, receiving a monstrous-looking sundae within moments. Light frowned at the detective as he bit into his sandwich, still quite convinced he was essentially a spoiled rich brat.

L noticed his suspect's change in facial expression and, after a moment, mumbled past his overly-decorated icecream treat, "Light-kun looks like an emoticon when he frowns."

Quite unexpected to say the least, Light inhaled a bite of his sandwich, the bready morsel deciding to jump down his windpipe instead of his esophagus. His air cut off and the painful feeling of having an object stuck so close to his larynx, Light began to do the sensible thing— throw his sandwich at L. L dodged and instead tossed his sundae at the choking teen in retaliation, who was consequentially splattered on the upper portion of his body.

L then watched as Light fell off his chair and turned an interesting blue color underneath the layer of ice cream. Light placed his hands around his throat, staring desparately from L to Watari.

Watari placed a hand to his brow and sighed agitatedly, "L, please do not let your suspect die." L looked innocently at Watari as if to say, 'what?' and finally approached the quickly asphyxiating Light.

With a bored look on his face, L abruptly began to thump Light on the back… with his foot. After effectively kicking the teen 4 or 5 times, the piece of offending sandwich dislodged and ejected itself from his throat with much sputtering, coughing, and drool.

Light sat, panting and coughing weakly on the floor as he slowly regained color to his near-white face. Turning his once-more tan face upwards, Light snarled hoarsely at the ever-impassive detective standing over him, "You nearly killed me! Idiot!"

L moved his bushy head to one side as if in confusion, "I did not jump down Light-kun's windpipe, the sandwich did—you should be yelling at it, as it is the true criminal here." L pointed stoically at the sandwich lying forgotten on the floor as if expecting the teen to start abusing the evidently evil foodstuff.

Light drew a tired hand across his face, ready to give one of his trademark scathing replies, when he noticed the sticky ice-cream coating his face. Horrified, he stared at the gluey substance, then slowly brought his eyes up to meet those of the detective currently hovering above him.

"N-no…" Light whispered, terrified.

"Yes." L stated blandly, though his eyes were dilated even more than usual, which was a feat in and of itself.

"I-it's not t-that bad!" Light defended desperately, attempting to scoot backwards, only managing to slip on the melting sundae on the floor. He stilled once more, his eyes widening again as he realized he was on the _floor,_ the _dirty _floor.

"Bathroom. Now." L commanded monotonously, his hands snaking forward.

"No!" Light squawked, "there's no need to-"

"Germs." L interrupted with the slightest of twitches.

Light shook his head in denial, as if there were no such thing as germs.

"Germs!" L hissed the word again, his white hands shooting out like ivory snakes to grab the teen with a grip far stronger than could be expected of someone his stature.

"No! Watari, help!" Light wailed as he was dragged out of the room by the eccentric panda-like man. Watari simply sighed, retrieving a mop to clean up the mess on the floor…

In the nearest bathroom, a not uncommon war as of late was waging itself in the cramped space the tiled room afforded…

Light, wrapped resolutely around the base of the sink like a handsome sloth, screeched, "NO means NO!" at the offending detective who had clamped his hands firmly on the teen's waist in an effort to pull him away from the porcelain.

"You are infecting me with your germs, Light-kun!" L growled, heaving to no avail, "I've told you before, I'm far too valuable to be killed by the millions upon billions upon trillions of germs on your person!"

Light simply gripped the sink all the tighter. Changing tactics at the speed of stupid ( O.O o_kay),_ L moved his fingers up from the other's waist up to his armpits.

Light let out an involuntary shriek of laughter, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Of course I would, Light-kun, when my life is at stake!" L purred, dancing his fingers in a mad mambo on Light's ribcage and armpits, evoking peals of helpless laughter and, as planned, an immense decrease in his strength of grip on the slippery porcelain.

"Y-You—ahaahaha—freaky l-little-muwahahahah ha ah ahha— germaphobe!" Light panted as he was pulled succinctly away from his last hope and thrown unceremoniously into the shower.

"Uff!" Light grunted as his back thudded painfully against the shower wall. Giving his head a shake, the brunette made to stand and bolt from the shower—only to be shoved back to the floor by the detective. One two three, the frosted glass door was closed, locked, and Light's doom was sealed.

The water was turned on, Light's clothes were unceremoniously torn off and tossed at the end of the shower, along with a white shirt and pair of blue jeans, and a pale detective brought out a menacingly rough loufa that Light had come to call 'Ol' Steel Wool.'

"No! Please no, don't!" Light screamed at the other's approach.

"It is nessecary for the safety of myself, and by extension, the world." L replied with the same phrase he always used whenever he dragged Light into the shower to 'scrub the evil germs off.' Pouncing, L grabbed the boy adorned with welts he himself has administered with the very loufa held in his hand and began to scrub furiously.

"N-no!" Light gurgled through the soap and water, failing to dislodge the pale man from his person as he grabbed his face and dragged the crusty loufa across it. L ignored the plaintive yowling he received.

"If I remove a layer or so of skin where the germs are, the likelihood of spreading them to me decreases by 45%."

"Liar!"

"…Perhaps."

"What!"

"It's more like 44.5%."

"I hate you!"

"I'm well aware."

"Yeah, well you're—_hey, don't you scrub there!"_

"But the GERMS are there Light-kun!"

"No they are NOT!"

"Yes they—oh, hello Matuda-san."

"…"

"…"

"You two should… really be using protection, don't you think?" ^^'

"…"

"…"

"…Matsuda, you idiot."

END

A/N:

Sorry I couldn't come up with a better ending, hehehe… Hey, long time no see, eh? ^^' I'm so sorry, but I've been going through a lot of personal stuff for the past few months. I am going to update EVERYTHING, so don't worry! Oh, and please give me ideas for this! I am _always _open for input and ideas, even if you think they're silly ;)

Oh, and BE MAH BETA! And comment


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